A lovely friend popped by the other Valentine’s Day. Sitting in my airy kitchen with a glass of pink bubbly she popped the question:
Do all men separate love and sex?
If the laddish antics of the inmates at Tool Academy were the male norm, the answer would be yes, but even these 21st century Neanderthals show remorse when confronted by images of their crass infidelity. So why do certain lads (and laddettes) think with their balls and ignore the heart’s wisdom? The answer, as Enigma so lyrically suggested, lay in the Principles of Lust.
When I first stepped out of my cabin on to the yoga deck at the Sivananda ashram in California 4years ago, I was treated to the testosterone-arresting sight of an oriental yogini performing downward dog in bootilicious jog pants. The progress of my dopamine-fuelled lust was dampened by the Swami’s opening admonition to focus on yoga and not on finding a mate! No toothless bark this but a strategy to create sattva – a state of peaceful acceptance achieved through diet.
All stimulants including onions, garlic, caffeine, chilli &c were absented from the mouth-watering meals lovingly prepared from the Ranch’s gardens. Within days I felt released from predatory hormones to a soul awash with oxytocin – one who appreciated the beauty in people, whatever their sex.
Both men and women fall prey to courtship ‘overheating’ when arousal is ignited by dopamine. Pupil dilation, flushing, mucosal release and engorgement accompany a frenzy of tactile, visual and olfactory stimuli rushing headlong to orgasm. While genitally-centric, the cocktail of neurochemicals released in procreation suffuse the body with endorphins, opiates, oxytocin and other delights which can lead to addiction.
Perversely, this dopamine high is followed by a post-orgasmic prolactin low, typified by the post-coital cartoon-male’s disinterest: turn over, fart and snore (apologies to all you sensitive lovers out there!). Shamefully un-reconstructed, our lovers commit a fatal mistake – instead of increasing the love chemical oxytocin by maintaining eye contact and tactile stimulation, they choose to pursue orgasm, after the refractory period abates, to counterbalance the prolactin-low. In the case of both men and women, jing is irrevocably lost from the kidneys in this exhausting round of bi-polar erotic yo-yo. The goal of sexual release replaces the experience of sensual pleasure.
Jing is a form of sexual energy – body chi stored for gradual release into the extraordinary meridians. It enters the foetus at the quickening as pre-heavenly essence and accumulates during gestation to a finite level giving us our constitutional strength at birth – the number of ‘amp-hours’ in our renal accumulator. Like any other battery, if we withdraw too much, too fast then we will go flat. This flatness is aggravated by the prolactin low and causes all sorts of relationship problems.
Jing as sexual energy is circulated in the chong mai or Penetrating Vessel which rises up the spine to the crown, drops through the pineal and pituitary glands to the top palette and accumulates in the hara.
It then passes through the bao gong (uterus or Palace of Sperm) and descends to the perineum. Students of the Loving Tao will recognise this microcosmic orbit as a way of recirculating and renewing sexual energy between lovers.
Indeed, the ancient Chinese texts reveal these techniques as secrets of the Emperors. These august and invariably senior Taoist masters maintained large harems of youthful wives whom they satisfied continually using the big draw, sperm-retention and inner smile while riding the wave of bliss into old age.
The regular loss of jing by the ageing male in the West can be catastrophic as it drains the life force causing a dip in creativity and longevity and wreaking havoc with the immune system and relationships. In the young male, the cult of ejaculation, while not so physically depleting, can cause relationship and even career dysfunction due to the dopamine-prolactin yo-yo. Riding the wave of bliss however is empowering at any age and produces a multi-orgasmic partnership.
Don’t get me wrong – dopamine is there for a reason and in the first flush of romance there might be nothing more auto erotic than the sight of your loved one’s secret places giving rise to that most exquisite of quickies in the back of a taxi, a crowded train or a luxurious hotel loo. In fact billions of our GDP are devoted to enabling just that through the creative designs of the fashion and beauty industries.
But which of us hasn’t experienced the tyranny of orgasm and at times found it damaging and when obsessive downright destructive? Sex is exciting but loving sex is cosmic!
Through such practices as sattvic yoga, communication (open-hearted eye-eye contact with affirmation), living love and holistic intimacy as well as loving Tao, we can continually re-kindle love and sensuality and the scintillation of oxytocin in the system. Bathing in oxytocin the love chemical informs our sexuality and transforms it into true intimacy.
As a shiatsu practitioner trained in wellmother and the loving Tao, I am experienced in diagnosing blocks to both sexual function and fertility. Rebalancing treatments put the client in touch with their circulating energy through the microcosmic orbit and stimulate chi through the kidneys, thus strengthening the constitution. Workshop enquiries on communication, living love and holistic intimacy as well as loving Tao welcome.